Reflection on God's Word

FAITH, WORDS, AND ANGER

by Tim Thomas

August 30, 2006

Ephesians 4:25-32

In isolation, verse 25 doesn't seem to fit in this section, except possibly as part of a list of dos and don'ts for believers. However, it would probably be better understood as a conclusion of the theme in the preceding passage, which was to put off the old self, which was built on a false set of ideas, and put on the new self in Christ, which is based on truth of who we are in Christ and what life is about -- once we understand God's involvement in the world and His redemptive purposes. The exhortation in this verse to put off falsehood and speak truthfully to our neighbor seems to imply, then, more than just not lying to our neighbor. It seems to be saying that when we speak to our neighbor, we need to speak in terms of our new way of seeing things, and not simply speak words that we would have spoken before we entered this new life through Jesus. This may include telling our neighbor about Jesus, but it is bigger than just simple evangelism. It is consciously trying to speak about the true view of the world, when by habit our words might fall into speaking of the old view of the world.

Perhaps an example would be helpful. Suppose a co-worker -- someone the Apostle Paul and Jesus would both tell us is our "neighbor" -- tells us that she and her husband are fighting a lot and she is thinking that she would be a lot happier divorced than continuing in strife married. Our old way of thinking might say that she deserves to be happy, so she should maybe go through with her plans of seeing her lawyer. Or perhaps we would simply tell ourselves that it's none of our business. Our new way of thinking might lead us to tell her that we understand there are times in our life that are hard, but the hard times are usually indications of our need to grow or change, not to flee (though I believe that fleeing is an appropriate response in the case of physical abuse). We know that God highly values marriage, and that one of the reasons marriage is so important is that it is meant to teach us a lot about God's faithfulness and love. Divorce definitely doesn't model God's faithfulness. We might speak to her a message of hope of how her marriage could be transformed if she and her husband are willing to work through their differences. When we are Christians, we have hope, even in the worst of trials, because we know that God is working good out of every situation, even bad ones. In any situation of being a good neighbor, we would try to show Jesus's genuine love and compassion to our neighbor, even if they reject our advice.

Verse 26 exhorts us not let our anger turn to sin. By implication, then, we can be angry and not be sinning. This is good news to the hyper-vigilant people who think that negative emotions are sinful. They are not. In the Old Testament God is reported to have been angry on a number of occasions, yet God does not sin. On the earth, Jesus was angry a number of times, especially with religious leaders who were so legalistic and hard-hearted, and with the money-changers and merchants who did business in the Temple in an area that was meant for prayer. Jesus was also without sin.

Our anger becomes sin, however, when it leads us to do things that are sinful. In an argument, for example, we might be tempted to say things that are hurtful but not necessarily true, because our objective is simply to cause pain or win an argument, not because we are expressing truth. We might be tempted, in anger, to be mean-spirited or take revenge. Yet we are told elsewhere that it is God's role to seek justice and vengeance, not ours. He is the ultimate judge, we are not.

Paul's practical advice to us is to not carry anger around with us so that it lasts into the night. A number of believers have applied this by not going to bed angry (especially with their spouses) -- which has often led to some late nights working out differences. I suppose that fails to literally follow the exhortation, since by then the sun has gone down. But the spirit of this exhortation is being followed, because the desire is not to carry the anger around longer than necessary. The reason Paul tells us not to give the devil a foothold in this context is that when we hold on to anger, it gives the devil an access point to our lives for his continued operation and for us to become his slave. If we carry anger around with us too long, it turns into bitterness or a desire for revenge, and these poisons have a way of eating away at our souls. All of us can think of people who have chosen to not forgive someone else, and the effect the poison coming from that decision has had on their lives, transforming them into hard individuals who are avoided by others because the poison emanates from them.

The alternative to carrying anger around with us is to forgive the offender. Leanne Payne has an interesting perspective on what it means to forgive. On pages 105 and 106 of "Listening Prayer", she writes, "To confess the specific sins of others against us does not mean that those who commit evil deeds find forgiveness of sin apart from their own personal repentance. It means that we as Christians have the privilege, in Christ, of breaking the power those sins continue to have over us. Confessing the sins committed against us by those who are yet unrepentant, and extending forgiveness to them, opens the doorway to freedom from the effects of that sin on us."

The theme of handling anger appropriately is continued in verse 31. The Amplified Bible is really helpful here, because it differentiates different kinds of anger, while the NIV simply uses the word "anger" again, telling us to get rid of anger, after we started thinking in verse 26 that it wasn't a sin to be angry. The Amplified Bible uses the words "bitterness and indignation and wrath", "resentment", "quarreling", "slander", and "malice" to describe kinds of anger or expressions of anger that we are to rid ourselves of. These words seem to be centered on two kinds of expressions of anger to be avoided: the first type is one which seeks to do harm to another person as an expression of anger, and the other is the carrying around of our anger in ways that either harm ourselves (bitterness) or tear others down (being quarrelsome).

In order to help believers get freed from wrong expressions of anger, the Apostle Paul suggests some positive things we can do. We can practice kindness and compassion. This means doing things and saying things that express love, and recognizing the inherent value and worth in others. It ultimately involves a change in how we think about other people, recognizing that the failures that they have are just like the failings that we ourselves have. Some may object, saying "I would never do that thing that the other person did." And yet we also recognize that some of the wrong things that we do spring from motivations and drives that came out of hurts that we received in our lives -- hurts that we did not know how to handle -- just like the wrong things that the other person did usually spring from hurts that they received and did not know how to deal with in a right way. The bottom line is at the end of this verse: Jesus Christ has forgiven each one of us. When given such an unearned and unearnable gift from God, who are we to hold things against another person?

Switching the emphasis somewhat, verse 28 indicates that those who put their faith in Jesus sometimes have to undergo radical changes in their lives. Some things we did to earn money are no longer acceptable. Here, Paul cites stealing as a way of acquiring money that is not consistent with a life of faith. We should probably think about all the ways that we acquire money and be open to the Holy Spirit showing us ones that are not pleasing to God. We can learn other things from this verse. It suggests that one of the purposes of work is so that we can have surplus, so that from what we earn we can give to those in need.

Sometimes we give to the church or a para-church organization so that they can serve. But this verse doesn't prevent us from giving money to others directly, or using money to buy things to aid us in showing hospitality to others. Having worked in helping those in need in the past, I am aware that money is not always the solution to people's problems. Often a behavior or attitude needs to change before the money can help. Giving money, say, to help pay the rent for someone with a gambling addiction may result in more gambling and the rent still being due. Nevertheless, it seems to me that fear of some of the money being wasted is an excuse I use far too often to not give to homeless people, for example -- and I suspect that a lot of people are like me in using this excuse.

Verse 29 speaks about not letting "unwholesome" talk come out of our mouths, then goes on to suggest the alternative: speaking words to build others up. Far too often people speak words that tear others down. I remember this being true especially during my teenage years. It seems like the desire to fit in and be acceptable are strong during those years, and words of rejection and ridicule have great power over us and are used all too frequently. I was delighted to find that life after high school, particularly as I entered my mid-twenties, was one of more encouragement and less harrassment. Perhaps that was because I could more easily choose my friends, and so chose to hang around with more encouraging people. I am aware that some workplaces (and homes) are places where tearing down is the norm, but I am also aware that more often than not, workplaces and homes are places of refuge. I believe that as people mature and the teen years come to an end, the trend is for people to speak less harshly and critically of one another.

The best way to avoid a negative is to do a positive. Instead of just avoiding unkind remarks, let us encourage one another regularly by our words. Find something good about each person you interact with, and point that out to that person. Most people are aware of their mistakes and weaknesses, but not everyone is aware of their strengths or positive attributes. Words of encouragement are words of life, and are like gentle rain to a drought-stricken plant.

Words that build up also include words that encourage faith in God. We all need reminders of God's faithfulness and love. It is easy to get focused on our problems, and forget that God has our solutions. Our God is able to forgive sins, change and heal lives, open doors, release resources, and defeat darkness. He promises in Hebrews 13 never to leave us or forsake us, and in Romans 8:28 to work good in all situations for those who love Jesus. He does not promise that we won't have to walk through great darkness at times, but He does promise that in those times He is with us, and that nothing can separate us from His love (Psalms 23 and Romans 8:35-39).